Will you blow on my dice?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
