How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize