Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize