you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
