I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
