i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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