your thong is hanging out like whoa
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I sprained my soul last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
