Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
