I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
