He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
