haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
