Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
