And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You are the jesus of drinking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
