Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
