We're like a lot better than the average bears
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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