I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize