"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
