Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
