she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
