so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
