For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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