Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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