ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
