Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize