i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
