in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
