he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
