SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
