I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
