If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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