what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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