brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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