bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
