I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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