you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
