im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
