I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he thought i was a dude.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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