did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize