he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize