She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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