i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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