i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
