Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
