I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's the barista slut.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
