Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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