That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
