just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
