when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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