Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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