Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
