I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
