I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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