Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
