i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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