I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
pray to the hookup gods
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
