And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
