On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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