I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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