i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
