honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
