Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
