If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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