hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
