just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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