i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
