next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
