Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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