You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
