Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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