I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
