If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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