it was like eating out sand paper
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want to make out with him forever
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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