I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
