Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
