Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
