my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
