Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
