last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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