I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
